When is it ok to objectify someone and when is it a preference? Find out with Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Cathy: What’s the difference between objectification and preferences when you’re sleeping with someone of a particular type? Someone bigger, of color or tall, short, older, younger or whatever it is.
I am here with Reid Mihalko from http://reidaboutsex.com/
Reid: And I am here with Cathy Vartuli last time I checked of http://theintimacydojo.com/
Cathy: Are you sure?
Reid: I don’t know. Are you Cathy or are you an impostor?
Cathy: I…I can’t tell you.
Reid: Sit down but after you hit subscribe. Alright go.
Cathy: So we were just doing another video. Someone asked about finding a larger size, a full-size made to play with um and we were talking about how…we were sharing about it can feel not good to some people or really good to some people to be objectified for a certain feature and I’ve had people come up to me like “Oh you’re…you’re a big person, you’re like I want to fuck you or I want to like…like you…” they were very
Reid: Get up all in your stuff
Cathy: Yeah and that I was like
Reid: ‘coz of this thing that you have
Cathy: “We haven’t even said hello.”
Reid: I like beards oh
Reid: and get up all on your beard.
Cathy: And it’s not my preference to be objectified like I did not find it a turn-on, I felt it very I felt very like “No, go away” and some people love being objectified but we wanted to discuss….look at the beard, the beard
Reid: Oh, yes more
Reid: but that is a thing like some people are like “No please like stare at my boobs.”
Reid: And other people are like “My eyes are up here.”
Cathy: I have a couple friends who one…one who I can think of in particular who wears a little hypnotic rings around her like and she’s very well-endowed and I….I had to say “Can I objectify you because my eyes are going there.” And she’s like “Yes please.”
Reid: She was just bating you.
Cathy: Yeah, she was but I was like
Cathy: I was like I understand why some guys have trouble like I can’t that look and she was she’s like “Yes please” and I’m like “Oh, okay thank you.” But I think it’s important to discuss that we were allowed to have preferences
Reid: Well a good a good friend of mine will actually go up to people and be like in appropriate situations this is not necessarily at the grocery store, right? But at a sex Ed conference or a play party
Cathy: PTA meeting
Reid: Not at PTA but at a…at an orgy would be like “May I objectify you? Like would you would you…are you into objectification and may I objectify you in these ways?” Like she’s very precise about how that she asks
Red: permission and then can turn it on her off like
Reid: if somebody says no she was like “Thank you.” Like
Cathy: Yeah and that
Reid: she has facility around that.
Cathy: Yeah, now I would feel comfortable. I like the one time I can think of this I was at Bawdy Storytelling and I wasn’t telling that and I was just hanging out and this
Cathy: Great place to go. But this gentleman came a younger gentleman came up to me he’s like “Oh my god, you have amazing curves” and I’m like “Thank you” and he’s like your skin is great you should
Reid: Bless you
Cathy: Hidden sneeze. This is just me now…he’s like “You should like show off your skin more” and he was going into like detail like I should wear low-cut dresses and he’s like “I want to buy you chocolate cake and feed you” and I was like
Cathy: I was like “Eww” like not consensual at all and he kept going and I was like “Thanks though”
Reid: Okay, so here’s the question
Reid: How could they have…have said the…said the same content differently and did it occurred to you not as gross?
Cathy: I think if they had said something like I mean even if they said “I really enjoyed bigger women” you know “I love your curves, can I get to know you?” Like I, for me there was no
Reid: There’s no relatedness, there’s no
Cathy: There was no relatedness but also when I said no I’m not interested, it…he kept describing how I like he kept going pat like I’m like “No, that’s not my thing”
Cathy: “I don’t enjoy that.”
Reid: And how…this is I’m just curious now like let’s find out together shall we? How could he have revealed the cake thing which again like if you’re a nerd about kink and fetishes like there’s a whole world
Cathy: I didn’t know. I went home and looked it up
Cathy: There’s something called feeding where someone will feed a larger person and they try to keep them fat and
Reid: How come there’s no…is there one for feeding skinny people? I’m sorry if that was insensitive but like I just never thought of it. I’m like
Reid: What’s that one?